Although being accused of Vampirism in the early sixteen hundreds, Martin to this day still claims this to be untrue. After surviving a freezing summer in the Antarctic, and raising his half German, half penguin son Demetrius, Martin decided to head back state side to enjoy his last remaining years tattooing and teaching Steven Seagal the magic art of Slap Fighting. Later, the Ukrainian Government seized all of his assets and kidnapped his son. Martin went on one last mission to save everything he ever cared about. And just in time for US Kickball team tryouts, where he met his future Senpai, Cody "Big Daddy Spanky-bottom" Lee Harvey Oswald.

Near sighted gynecologists hate him! Click hear to find out why!